Goddammit

why do i keep doing this. my heart  is officially broken. greta. i cant sleep now. all i wanna do is womitting and cut my self all night long. this is so stupid. by my best friend? what the fuck was i thinking? hes the best friend i ever had and all off a fucking sudden our raging hormones comes and breaks everything. well mine did. he doenst care. he never does. hes a lucky son of a bitch. he tate. from american horror story. well hes dead. but he only has sex. we almost had it. those hours when he were spooning with me was amazing. i cant believe how fucking stupid and dicgusting i am. no fucking selfrespect honeslty come on girl? get your shit together! when we hooked up i gave him hand jobs and blowjobs, it was sharkweek so no part of the cake for me. AND NOW HES WITH HER GODDAMMIT. im so pissed! i think mostly of my self. naive bitch. ew. im frustradet. i cant really be mad at him you know? he didnt do anything. i did. my vagina and heart did. ive never feelt so safe than in his arms. ew when i shake my head i really do sound gross. hes like my little borther so all of this is repulsive. i clearly do not like him. or maybe. i dont know, im just horny i guess. hope so. BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT LITTLE BITCH TRIES TO TAKE MY BROTHER AWAY I WILL MURDER HER! no for real i do sometimes wonder when my serialkiller carrier will start.


i just cant really cope with this. i think its just as much all the hooking up, it was sorta great nut i do feel reeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaallly abused now. traumas from life before comes on up. a guy on my old school, 2 years ago, did the same thing. we were very good friends, i fell in love with him, he knew, i gave him 2 handjobs and a big drama (i am the #1 dramaquuen) came up and we stopped talking. i really dont want that to happend again.


lately ive just been so depressed. i hate males. i always have. guess since i was a little girl i would have known my destiny. THE FUCKING SECOND WOMAN i always am! the other guy i slept with once smooked alot of weed with and had been snuggling abit around with also ignores me now. or he doesnt contact me. goddammit. where am i gonna go? why cant i just be fucking loved? why cant i be appreciated for something else than a fucking sexobject. ive never been loved by another boy. or girl for that matter. its to much to take for a 17 year old. i just fuck. cold no feelings attached sex. goddammit. i dont wanna do this anymore! I AM PRETTY, I AM SMART, I AM REALLY KIND, IM REALLY FUNNY I CAN COOK I CLEAN AND MY SEX IS SMOCKING!


please someone. anyone. send me someone who will love me.